Ten fictional characters I have crushes on:
1- The Sand Man
2-Jack Sparrow
3-Willy-E-Coyote
4-Firenze
5-Willy Wonka
6-Paul Bunyan
7-Lordi
8-The alpha lion on the Taco Bell commercials
9-Mr. Clean
10- Tyler Florence (Tyler is too good to be real)
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
A Perfect Ten
As we walked through the corridors of the grand old hotel the realtor spoke of how it would be perfect for apartments, six large or ten small. It would cost ten times the asking price to renovate the sagging beauty. As I looked in each of the faded bedrooms, I pictured the babies I could have, or adopt, ten times two would have fit. But it have to located ten yards farther off the road. Looking out the kitchen windows onto the lake, I pictured the restaurant I would start there, if I could fit in ten more parking spaces. The thought of the neglected building housing the handicap ten years prior broke my hear ten times over. Insurance on a bed and breakfast would cost ten times the norm with the docks and unmanned beach. Ten months ago I would have opened a half way house to help the freshly detoxed addicts I care for, back before the ten new grey hairs I've grown a day. Ten years ago, when I had ten times the energy, and no business plan, I would have said, "It's perfect." Instead, I only eyeballed the realtor, who was smart enough not to push me, and thought, "He's OK."
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Why I Love My Husband
Ten reasons I love him:
1: The crop circles he secretly mowed in our front yard using a push mower after we watched "Signs".
2: The time our grocery store ran out of my favorite brand of tea. Hubby drove to three other stores to try to find it. He now keeps a minimum of a dozen boxes on hand so I never run out.
3: His understanding of my relationship with the Rock.
4: He does my laundry.
5: The time he had his secretary pick up live sea food and drive it to the airport, then showed up at my place and cooked me dinner with champagne and the movie "Gone with the Wind." We never watched the movie.
6: He brags me up to his friends.
7: The time I told him I was pregnant with our last child and his immediate response was, "Will I have to love it like my own?"
8: He broke down a door to chase a ghost away from me. *
9: The ode's, poems, haiku's and drawings, of me.
10: The middle rows of the Witmans Sampler that he removed, and replaced with another "chocolate" thing before re wrapping and giving me my Valentines.
When we were living in an old nasty trailer after the house burned, hubby fell asleep at one end on the floor in front of the tv. I was sleeping in the bedroom at the other end. Hubby woke up and saw what he thought was me wearing a pink bathrobe standing at the end of the hall looking at him. He called my name when he realized I looked funny and the pink lady turned and moved down the hall to the bedroom. I woke up when Hubby came thundering down the hall and broke open the door without opening it yelling my name and turning on the light. I was not scared but spent the rest of the night calming him down. I believe Hubby saw something, but there is a non paranormal reason. This thought keeps me from the willies.
1: The crop circles he secretly mowed in our front yard using a push mower after we watched "Signs".
2: The time our grocery store ran out of my favorite brand of tea. Hubby drove to three other stores to try to find it. He now keeps a minimum of a dozen boxes on hand so I never run out.
3: His understanding of my relationship with the Rock.
4: He does my laundry.
5: The time he had his secretary pick up live sea food and drive it to the airport, then showed up at my place and cooked me dinner with champagne and the movie "Gone with the Wind." We never watched the movie.
6: He brags me up to his friends.
7: The time I told him I was pregnant with our last child and his immediate response was, "Will I have to love it like my own?"
8: He broke down a door to chase a ghost away from me. *
9: The ode's, poems, haiku's and drawings, of me.
10: The middle rows of the Witmans Sampler that he removed, and replaced with another "chocolate" thing before re wrapping and giving me my Valentines.
When we were living in an old nasty trailer after the house burned, hubby fell asleep at one end on the floor in front of the tv. I was sleeping in the bedroom at the other end. Hubby woke up and saw what he thought was me wearing a pink bathrobe standing at the end of the hall looking at him. He called my name when he realized I looked funny and the pink lady turned and moved down the hall to the bedroom. I woke up when Hubby came thundering down the hall and broke open the door without opening it yelling my name and turning on the light. I was not scared but spent the rest of the night calming him down. I believe Hubby saw something, but there is a non paranormal reason. This thought keeps me from the willies.
Friday, February 09, 2007
"If I Die Before I Wake..."
If I kick it in an automobile crash, do not leave flowers or wreaths or heaven forbid, my picture at the accident scene. Once I leave my body, I'm not going to be hanging around to see who shows up with prezies. And I don't want to cause another crash due to galkers. Just speed up to honor me.
Do not write sappy poetry on the anniversary of my pail kicking and print it in the classifieds. I'm going to be too busy to read the want adds where ever I am.
Stop by my house once and a while when my husband is not there to scare him for me. Leave one of my "Monty Python" movies playing in the DVD player. Write messesages in the dust from me. Things like, "Keep on the sunny side of life", from "Life of Brian." Or just plain "Boo".
Write my obituary unplugged. Do not write that I passed peacefully in my sleep, or was taken unexpectedly. "Munkay choked to death on chippies and bean dip in her recliner on Wednesday" will do, or "She bit it while hurling javelins at her neibhor's propane tank on Friday last. Some of us might miss her. Most are relieved."
Funeral. No. A nice dinner. Yes.
Burn me. Burn me immediately. Let no stranger wash me and pump anything into my corpse. No one is going to do my hair when I am gone. Give me too science for experiments, yes. Then burn me. In fact, I may start carrying matches myself in case I feel peckish.
I'm not going to leave a will. If you want something of mine, come right over and get it. Need directions? Just look for the big bon fire.
Do not write sappy poetry on the anniversary of my pail kicking and print it in the classifieds. I'm going to be too busy to read the want adds where ever I am.
Stop by my house once and a while when my husband is not there to scare him for me. Leave one of my "Monty Python" movies playing in the DVD player. Write messesages in the dust from me. Things like, "Keep on the sunny side of life", from "Life of Brian." Or just plain "Boo".
Write my obituary unplugged. Do not write that I passed peacefully in my sleep, or was taken unexpectedly. "Munkay choked to death on chippies and bean dip in her recliner on Wednesday" will do, or "She bit it while hurling javelins at her neibhor's propane tank on Friday last. Some of us might miss her. Most are relieved."
Funeral. No. A nice dinner. Yes.
Burn me. Burn me immediately. Let no stranger wash me and pump anything into my corpse. No one is going to do my hair when I am gone. Give me too science for experiments, yes. Then burn me. In fact, I may start carrying matches myself in case I feel peckish.
I'm not going to leave a will. If you want something of mine, come right over and get it. Need directions? Just look for the big bon fire.
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